Things that make me a complete idiot

'ello, Loves!

So, things that make me a complete idiot.
there are a great many.

one of which, I shall tell you.

Because I am in the safety of my room, the shades are up and it's sunny (but not too sunny), I am sitting upon not one, but two comforters, my stuffed animal Rat is sleeping next to me (he dearly loves the clicky-clack of the keyboard, dear thing), I've just been reading the Toby posts of A Cup Of Jo (http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/search/label/toby), I've got playing Mechanical Music Hall whatnot (http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/burlington-bertie-from-bow/id260578820?i=260578857&ign-mpt=uo%3D4) and it's been a pretty good day so far, I can describe in great detail.

I like to think of myself as a part of the Gothic subculture, at least having the Gothy-mindset (http://www.gothic-charm-school.com/) but I am a bit f a failure as a stereotype. the subject at fault is the ability to watch and handle horror movies.
I know what I can handle.
something I could not (and cannot) was The Ring.

at boarding school, we have "movie night" every tuesday and Friday. on one such occasion, the aforesaid film had been chosen.
I was ecstatic. I was overjoyed. I pranced about the halls (not really) and bounced around in my dorm room (yes really).

as I said, I could not handle it. But I stayed the entire time.

the reason I cannot handle such movies is this: my mind.

last night, I watched Cloverfield. on a number-line of "yes/no, I can/can't watch this" 1+ being yes, -1 and down being no, that movie was -1 to -3. pretty OK, until two in the morning when it was pitch black (I have those blackout shades) and I was just about to fall asleep when my ipod, which was sitting on my nightstand, turned on for just a moment. it turned on, and the screen went black again in 5 seconds. less then that, probably.

I was paralyzed.

I lay in bed, unable to move, for fear of a girl standing behind me, that creepy-arse son of the detective-whatever woman, scenes and lines echoing in my head, the insects from Cloverfield crawling over the ceiling, something grabbing or stabbing my foot if it got out from underneath the comforters.
it took me an hour to turn on the light. not even joking.

other things that freak me out are pulling up shades. (there's got to be someone peering into my window, waiting for me to pull open the shades...) I believe that this fear cam about from a mix of seeing a kodak commercial of a mom taking a picture of three girls, who were standing with their backs to a large window. she looked at the picture, and in the window was a man with a crowbar, smiling, and a childhood viewing of The Nightmare Room.

opening my bedroom door at night (though I've gotten over that), turning on a light in a dark room, as mentioned earlier, because do I really what to see what's hiding in the dark?, and the basement/storage room of my school.

that's generally where I practice my violin, because it's very private.
there's a door at the end of it, leading outside up some stairs. at night, there's this ominously yellow lights in the window of the door, and it makes the entire room look like it's out of a Saw movie. especially this one "cave," a room that's all dark and has a metal fence over part of it. it's creepy as shyte. I generally practice standing next to the door.
once, I was practicing, and the generator or whatever stopped buzzing, and it was really silent, and then something in that room made this loud noise (probably a mouse-trap) and I actually ran out of the room, leaving my violin, my phone and my sweatshirt. of course, I had to to back in to get them, but I finished practicing in this one corner of the basement (outside of the storage room) where a bunch of guitars and stereos were.
whenever I'm in there alone, I get really paranoid, and almost have a heart attack, and then the person who came in is all like "what's wrong with you??" and stuff...

and being in a dark room doing something and I look up, and someone is standing over me. I'm afraid of that because it's happened many a time.


so...
that's what freaks me out, turning me into a complete idiot.
how bout you?

good day!

xo

P.S.
I have a new lonely friend painting, I'm thinking of making a series...?